Don't Ask Don't Tell: why institutionalized discrimination is STOOPID

blog response number... thing.

"Dan Choi, a West Point graduate and officer in the Army National Guard who is fluent in Arabic and who returned recently from Iraq, received notice today that the military is about to fire him. Why? Because he came out of the closet as a gay man on national television."

Dear Lord. What does it say about our country that we institutionalize discrimination to the point that we are willing to turn away ready, willing, enthusiastic, and amazing men and women from serving our country in uniform. And because of what? Because of who they love? Because of who they sleep with? ...that's some solid reasoning, right there.

After coming out on Rachel Maddow's cable news show on March 19, 2009 Lt. Dan Choi explained why Don't Ask Don't Tell is a bad idea, bad policy, and just generally negative. During the segment Maddow asks Lt. Choi if he could lose his job for coming on television and saying this. He admits that he could but stands firm that his position is both morally and legally correct.

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As of May 5, 2009 he was notified that

"sufficient basis exists to initiate action for withdrawal of Federal Recognition in the Army National Guard for moral or professional dereliction... Specifically, [he] admitted publicly that [he] is a homosexual, which constitutes homosexual conduct. [His] actions negatively affected the good order and discipline of the New York Army National Guard."

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How is this fair? If he refuses to resign and essentially admit that being gay is wrong then he will be given a dishonorable discharge. WTF?!?! He's an Iraq vet and a Westpoint Graduate!!!! I'm so angry that our government has discrimination as public policy. I'm so mad that they are wasting money kicking good people out of the military, people who want to serve.

How is this right?

How is it right to make hate part of government sanctioned policy and therefore validate homophobia?

If you think about it, no one would have known about this story if it hadn't been picked up on the blogs. I'm still pissed but I'm glad that we're able to spread the word so much quicker.

Today...

As I was walking into my Anthropology final a girl in the class, out of no where, called me a "lesbian fucktard" for no reason.

Why is it okay to use a part of someone and twist it into hate speech?

It shouldn't bother me anymore but it does. I'm genuinely hurt and angry and exhausted.

You were so beautiful

So I dropped off the face of the earth, I know this. There has been a lot going on with finals and the difficulty of the summer. I always dread the summer because from the time I was 8 I have had people die in the summer. All four of my grandparents died in May or June each a different year.

This year was not someone I was related to but someone I admired and appreciated.


Kahlo Benavidez was two years ahead of me in school. He was one of the most openly gay members of the student body who paved the way for younger gays, dealing with the teachers' prejudices and the snide remarks, forcing the administration to sell couples' prom tickets to same-sex couples (something they briefly fought).

After highschool I learned that Kahlo was HIV positive. Rather than retreating into depression and denial he became an amazing and inspiring activist. I'm still blown away by how hard he worked and the things he accomplished.

On the 24th of April he took his own life.

It's still surreal and painful and confusing. It doesn't make anysense. The outpouring of love and sadness over his death is astounding.

I'm sorry he chose that path. I can understand what it's like to be staring down reality and choose that path. It's just so tragic that despite how much people looked up to him and loved him and admired him and respected him he still felt that death was the best option.


I'm in the midst of trying to finish the semester and sort out my emotions and maintain my own delicate balance between mania and depression. I'm struggling but I'll make it through this.



Kahlo, wherever you are, I'm sorry I never thanked you for everything you did. I hope it's easier, that you're happier, wherever you are. Around here you're missed greatly.

ManPants: the project that ate my life

So I finished my project about spending a day dressed as a man. Holy Cheese it took me over 10 hours to finish editing the video and I did a pretty shoddy job of it and then wrote one of the worst papers I've ever written. It was one of those wow-this-doesn't-make-a-lot-of-sense-but-I-don't-have-time papers. Awesome.

Here's hoping that 20% of my grade didn't just vanish into nothing.

To be honest the project became half for my soc class and half for this class looking at gender and how it's constructed and how it relates to me. It was incredibly important to me to take it seriously and give it everything I could.

Interestingly my parents and my sister literally laughed at me and my efforts and refused to recognize that this was personally emotionally significant for me. As a result I'm still mad at them and they're confused and annoyed. This should be fun.

In case you're wondering I'm very aware that I didn't manage to pass and I look really bizarre in the photo.

I decided to prepare it in the form of a video diary because I can get my thoughts out much faster that way. I was annoyed that youtube made me split it into two parts because of the length. It essentially comes out to 17 minutes of gender based navel gazing but whatever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "ManPants: A Day as a Dude"!!

Anonymous Bosch: blogging, gender, and my mom.

*a side note: my post on the readings won't be up until at least mid-morning due to my life exploding like a marshmallow in a microwave*

It was an ordinary weekend until I found this video on feministing. It's a documentary about three biological females who identify as genderqueer and their struggles in life. It may seem like no big deal but I remembered seeing part of this documentary with my mom when it first came on LOGO a few years ago.

My mom is great. She's loving and supportive and loves the gay community. When we were watching this documentary together she kept asking me if I was going to end up getting a sex change and that she didn't know if she could handle that. I said I wasn't and I wouldn't. Then I left the room and didn't finish watching the documentary.

This weekend I finished it and now I'm freaking out.

My mom said she read my blog post about my hair and was worried I was going to get a sex change. I told her not to read my blog because it's very personal. If I talk about something personal on my blog chances are I don't want to talk about it in person. Example: my gender identity. Because this is so personal if she's reading it and asking me about it in person I feel angry and betrayed. This is like my journal.

Odds are you haven't met me. You don't have any established ideas about who I am and what I should be. You have no real choice but to accept me as I am or move on. If you make me uncomfortable I can delete your comment or go to a different page or turn off my computer. You aren't going to grill me during a family dinner about the odds of me having male chest reconstruction surgery.


I'm not ready to say anything verbally. I'm just not. It's a coping mechanism: if I don't say it out loud it isn't real. I'm not ready for it to be real. I want to be left alone to sort this one out. This is personal. This is not a family matter.

Seeing that documentary just reminded me about all the stuff with my gender and my mom and the ideas of privacy in a world as public as the internet.

One of the biggest reasons the internet is great for spreading ideas and activism is that it's safe. There is no risk of someone throwing rocks at you or recognizing you from work and threatening to tell someone that you have beliefs others may not agree with. The anonymity of the net allows people to safely be who they really want to be.

Right now I need that.

So Mom, if you're reading this, please stop. Everything I write here is mine. My life, not yours. If it's important enough I will tell you when I'm ready. Right now I'm not ready.




Why is my gender suddenly an epic issue?
I'm gearing up for a major project in my Contemporary Sexualities class. I'm spending a day dressed as a guy.

Holy.Frak.

I'm both psyched and utterly terrified mostly because tomorrow I will not only be observing how the world treats me I will also be observing how I feel about myself presenting a masculine gender. The scary part? I might like it. I might hate it and never want to do it again but I don't know yet. The whole ordeal makes me feel as though I don't know myself. My little box I've lived in for my whole life could potentially be blown to bits. In the words of Stewie Griffin of Family Guy, "I don't like change!!" (I know Family Guy is horrible on a million levels but it makes me laugh and I don't feel like analyzing it right now.)






I'll let you know how it goes.

Wish me luck. I could use some moral support right about now.

Frak YOU Amazon.com!!

So apparently Amazon.com managed to drop it's LGBT books from the ranked lists as they are now classified as "Adult Material". WTF!?

This post from the blog Jezebel possibly sums up the outrage of the community the best. It includes a list of the books stripped of rankings and those allowed to keep them. It's slightly mind blowing.

All Things Digital is suggesting that what Amazon did was an accident but the #Amazonfail hashtag on twitter would indicate that it's a little late. Over the course of a weekend an entire movement has started and spread to thousands of people on the internet. Where does Amazon base its entire business? Online. Not only does Amazon now have a problem with people mobilizing on the net pushing for boycotts and demanding an apology, Amazon itself is remaining very quiet about the whole ordeal. Bad Move.

The new consumer has every peice of information at their fingertips. Our main source of information is not a library; it's an opensource encylopedia that is both free and constantly updated and sourced. We are able to track packages from the minute we place the order to the minute they arrive at our door. We want to know what's going on and if we don't then we want a reason. Keeping quiet about something this big could potentially cost Amazon a noticeable amount of business.


This whole thing pisses me off supremely because I just ordered three books from them: My Gender Workbook, GenderQueer, and Nobody Passes. I have a huge project for my Contemporary Sexualities class due on Thursday so I'm scrambling to get the last few pieces lined up. My ducks are rarely in a row; I'm lucky if my ducks stay in the same vicinity. So I ordered these books for my project and now I find out that in doing so I'm supporting a company that is undermining the validity of the LGBT community.

What does it say about our society that a story concerning corporate discrimination against an entire community gets broken on twitter?



Side Note: I discovered that it is possible to set bread on fire using only a toaster oven and a lack of understanding of said toaster oven. On the plus side I know that my smoke alarms work. Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow I am not.



(In case your wondering this is what "frak" means.)

Genderfork: a blog response

One of the things I enjoy most in the world is peoplewatching. I like imagining myself as an outside observer in the world like Jane Goodall among the chimps or Birute Galdikas among the orangutans, perched with a notebook and pencil. I tend to peoplewatch with an unnerving intensity because I often do not understand how I am "supposed to act" and I never have. I often watch to see how other people interact. I'll try to discern patterns of behavior and understand them. I suppose it's quirks like this that cause my love of more abstract blogs like Genderfork.

Genderfork is mostly photos including images of androgyny and profiles of people who defy gender norms in some way but it also includes quotes from commenters and contributors. These quotes are my favorite parts because they are often thoughtful, thought provoking, insightful and in some ways beautiful. When I found the following quote I nearly cried because I felt suddenly less alone in my somewhat scary and liberating realizations about gender. I think people often underestimate the comfort provided by gender roles.

The small question at the bottom of the quote pushes people to start interacting and asking questions. If you hadn't guessed by now, I firmly believe that opening up a dialogue is one of the best ways we can improve our world in all ways.

My Hair = My Gender Identity

Right about now someone reading this blog is saying wtf? And to be honest I completely understand where they're coming from.

It's hair. It grows. You cut it. Other than styling it to look one way or another what possible effect could your hair have on your life?

I can't speak for other people but for me it turned out to be a huge piece of who I am and my gender identity. I didn't realize just how huge until today when I was having difficulty coming up with a good way to style my hair so my sister recommended that I style it a certain way which feels particularly femme: the front half of my hair plastered down and the back a little spiky and teased. It's still short and still too butch for my mom (but what isn't?) but it felt wrong.

My hair felt wrong and it bothered me all day. I felt physically uncomfortable because my hair didn't match how I feel about myself, about my gender, about my sexuality, about how I feel about how I look.

I've spent a lot of time over the past few months thinking about my gender and who I am. This is probably because I'm in a Contemporary Sexualities class that addresses gender within sexuality but there have been a lot of other things. Needless to say I've been looking for resources to help me sort out exactly who I am or come to terms with not knowing the answer.

In this quest I have come across two invaluable tools.

• The first is the gender pioneer Kate Bornstein who authored the amazing "My Gender Workbook" which I feel should be required reading for the world. It pushes people to completely re-evaluate the way the gender dichotomy works and how we exist within it. I consider that to be somewhat profound.
  
  As I learned about Bornstein I wanted to read more of hir work and sought hir out on the internet and discovered ze has a blog! It's updated sporadically but the observations ze makes are well worth the wait. http://katebornstein.typepad.com/
  

• The second resource I discovered was a random blog I found through a Google search, The Sugarbutch Chronicles. Authored by Sinclair Sexsmith, the observations about gender from the perspective of a butch lesbian versus someone who is transgender or non-gendered are a brilliant reference. I will warn that gender is not her only focus. The blog can be very sexually explicit and involves reviews and discussion of sexual topics. It's definitely an 18+ blog but that doesn't detract from it's brilliance.

Without these two blogs I would undoubtedly be wandering around with my hair in an uncomfortable ponytail not knowing why I was unhappy with the world.

It turns out it starts with my hair.