Gender is a light board not a switch

reading response to "The Gendercator"

When I walk into a dark room the first thing I look for is a light switch. On means light. Off means it's dark. There is no nuance to the lighting. In theatre we can have up to hundreds of lights with different colors and intensities. They can have moving designs. They can move where they are pointing on the stage. All of this information is stored on a massive board that looks like something you would see in a recording studio or Star Trek.

As a lighting tech I appreciate how a lighting design in and of itself is art. The changes in brightness and color and the speed with which the lights shift, the addition of movement, subtle shifts, all of these add up to a symphony of light. It sounds lame but it's so beautiful. Lighting is so amazing and beautiful and makes so many things what they are and no two lighting designers will design a show or a cue the exact same way. In theatre the lights vary for each person. Gender is the same way. There are more than two options in gender and people so often miss that fact. We are not all Barbies and GI Joes.

In reading about how the blogosphere responded to "The Gendercator" I noticed a split into two camps. One group was furious that the LGBT community would turn on its own members and the other group agreed with the concepts and felt that trans individuals were bringing unwanted masculinity or male-ness into strictly female spaces and that lesbians were succumbing to what males wanted when they chose to bend their genders.

This is what I was ranting about in the beginning: the accusation that people of alternative genders are sometimes not welcomed in "feminist" spaces because they are neither feminine nor masculine. There is almost always an accusation of bringing male-ness into female space when feminists argue against acceptance of transgender individuals. This pisses me off because feminists are arguing for the equal rights and protection of women but arguing that transgender indivudals do not deserve the same rights. WTF?
I think that's against the rules of logic.

I am constantly stunned by the amount of bias in a community of "outsiders" who want "equal rights". There is both a hatred of Trans people and of Bisexuals in the LGBT community. Which, I suppose, would make it the LG community. It's outright prejudice and discrimination and stuns me everytime I see it. I'm infuriated that my own "community," that "my family" would turn against me like this. I would like to not be pigeonholed plzthx.

I think the blogosphere has the ability and the obligation to expose this ugly discrimination in the LGBT community and help push for more acceptance and tolerance the way people did in reaction to "The Gendercator".



If a tool can be used for good then it should be used for good.

ManPants: the project that ate my life

So I finished my project about spending a day dressed as a man. Holy Cheese it took me over 10 hours to finish editing the video and I did a pretty shoddy job of it and then wrote one of the worst papers I've ever written. It was one of those wow-this-doesn't-make-a-lot-of-sense-but-I-don't-have-time papers. Awesome.

Here's hoping that 20% of my grade didn't just vanish into nothing.

To be honest the project became half for my soc class and half for this class looking at gender and how it's constructed and how it relates to me. It was incredibly important to me to take it seriously and give it everything I could.

Interestingly my parents and my sister literally laughed at me and my efforts and refused to recognize that this was personally emotionally significant for me. As a result I'm still mad at them and they're confused and annoyed. This should be fun.

In case you're wondering I'm very aware that I didn't manage to pass and I look really bizarre in the photo.

I decided to prepare it in the form of a video diary because I can get my thoughts out much faster that way. I was annoyed that youtube made me split it into two parts because of the length. It essentially comes out to 17 minutes of gender based navel gazing but whatever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "ManPants: A Day as a Dude"!!

Anonymous Bosch: blogging, gender, and my mom.

*a side note: my post on the readings won't be up until at least mid-morning due to my life exploding like a marshmallow in a microwave*

It was an ordinary weekend until I found this video on feministing. It's a documentary about three biological females who identify as genderqueer and their struggles in life. It may seem like no big deal but I remembered seeing part of this documentary with my mom when it first came on LOGO a few years ago.

My mom is great. She's loving and supportive and loves the gay community. When we were watching this documentary together she kept asking me if I was going to end up getting a sex change and that she didn't know if she could handle that. I said I wasn't and I wouldn't. Then I left the room and didn't finish watching the documentary.

This weekend I finished it and now I'm freaking out.

My mom said she read my blog post about my hair and was worried I was going to get a sex change. I told her not to read my blog because it's very personal. If I talk about something personal on my blog chances are I don't want to talk about it in person. Example: my gender identity. Because this is so personal if she's reading it and asking me about it in person I feel angry and betrayed. This is like my journal.

Odds are you haven't met me. You don't have any established ideas about who I am and what I should be. You have no real choice but to accept me as I am or move on. If you make me uncomfortable I can delete your comment or go to a different page or turn off my computer. You aren't going to grill me during a family dinner about the odds of me having male chest reconstruction surgery.


I'm not ready to say anything verbally. I'm just not. It's a coping mechanism: if I don't say it out loud it isn't real. I'm not ready for it to be real. I want to be left alone to sort this one out. This is personal. This is not a family matter.

Seeing that documentary just reminded me about all the stuff with my gender and my mom and the ideas of privacy in a world as public as the internet.

One of the biggest reasons the internet is great for spreading ideas and activism is that it's safe. There is no risk of someone throwing rocks at you or recognizing you from work and threatening to tell someone that you have beliefs others may not agree with. The anonymity of the net allows people to safely be who they really want to be.

Right now I need that.

So Mom, if you're reading this, please stop. Everything I write here is mine. My life, not yours. If it's important enough I will tell you when I'm ready. Right now I'm not ready.




Why is my gender suddenly an epic issue?
I'm gearing up for a major project in my Contemporary Sexualities class. I'm spending a day dressed as a guy.

Holy.Frak.

I'm both psyched and utterly terrified mostly because tomorrow I will not only be observing how the world treats me I will also be observing how I feel about myself presenting a masculine gender. The scary part? I might like it. I might hate it and never want to do it again but I don't know yet. The whole ordeal makes me feel as though I don't know myself. My little box I've lived in for my whole life could potentially be blown to bits. In the words of Stewie Griffin of Family Guy, "I don't like change!!" (I know Family Guy is horrible on a million levels but it makes me laugh and I don't feel like analyzing it right now.)






I'll let you know how it goes.

Wish me luck. I could use some moral support right about now.

Frak YOU Amazon.com!!

So apparently Amazon.com managed to drop it's LGBT books from the ranked lists as they are now classified as "Adult Material". WTF!?

This post from the blog Jezebel possibly sums up the outrage of the community the best. It includes a list of the books stripped of rankings and those allowed to keep them. It's slightly mind blowing.

All Things Digital is suggesting that what Amazon did was an accident but the #Amazonfail hashtag on twitter would indicate that it's a little late. Over the course of a weekend an entire movement has started and spread to thousands of people on the internet. Where does Amazon base its entire business? Online. Not only does Amazon now have a problem with people mobilizing on the net pushing for boycotts and demanding an apology, Amazon itself is remaining very quiet about the whole ordeal. Bad Move.

The new consumer has every peice of information at their fingertips. Our main source of information is not a library; it's an opensource encylopedia that is both free and constantly updated and sourced. We are able to track packages from the minute we place the order to the minute they arrive at our door. We want to know what's going on and if we don't then we want a reason. Keeping quiet about something this big could potentially cost Amazon a noticeable amount of business.


This whole thing pisses me off supremely because I just ordered three books from them: My Gender Workbook, GenderQueer, and Nobody Passes. I have a huge project for my Contemporary Sexualities class due on Thursday so I'm scrambling to get the last few pieces lined up. My ducks are rarely in a row; I'm lucky if my ducks stay in the same vicinity. So I ordered these books for my project and now I find out that in doing so I'm supporting a company that is undermining the validity of the LGBT community.

What does it say about our society that a story concerning corporate discrimination against an entire community gets broken on twitter?



Side Note: I discovered that it is possible to set bread on fire using only a toaster oven and a lack of understanding of said toaster oven. On the plus side I know that my smoke alarms work. Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow I am not.



(In case your wondering this is what "frak" means.)

Genderfork: a blog response

One of the things I enjoy most in the world is peoplewatching. I like imagining myself as an outside observer in the world like Jane Goodall among the chimps or Birute Galdikas among the orangutans, perched with a notebook and pencil. I tend to peoplewatch with an unnerving intensity because I often do not understand how I am "supposed to act" and I never have. I often watch to see how other people interact. I'll try to discern patterns of behavior and understand them. I suppose it's quirks like this that cause my love of more abstract blogs like Genderfork.

Genderfork is mostly photos including images of androgyny and profiles of people who defy gender norms in some way but it also includes quotes from commenters and contributors. These quotes are my favorite parts because they are often thoughtful, thought provoking, insightful and in some ways beautiful. When I found the following quote I nearly cried because I felt suddenly less alone in my somewhat scary and liberating realizations about gender. I think people often underestimate the comfort provided by gender roles.

The small question at the bottom of the quote pushes people to start interacting and asking questions. If you hadn't guessed by now, I firmly believe that opening up a dialogue is one of the best ways we can improve our world in all ways.

Is it wrong that I think "rationale" is a boring word?

I don't for a moment blame people who use it; I understand that there aren't really any other options as far as nouns encompassing an explanation of controlling principles of opinion, belief, practice, or phenomena but I always feel slightly cheated when I see it, like someone needed a word for this and just said "I know! I'll just take 'rational' and put an 'e' on it! Brilliant! No one will ever know." We have a big language can't someone come up with a better word?

I will put my qualms with the word "rationale" aside to now explain, well, the rationale of my blog.

I suppose I can't claim that this blog will be strictly topical as I know myself and my inability to focus on anything that is not directly in front of me or shiny. I will say that my blog won't be limited to women's rights because I find it to be cissexist to argue for the equal rights of one particular gender without including those people who are alternative, trans, or non gendered. Equality should apply across the board.

As a "woman" who feels more gender queer than femme my blog will most likely focus on what it's like to be in a female body unsure of what it means to be a woman or a man and where I fall in respect to the dominant gender dichotomy. There is also the question of how the feminist movement feels about transgender individuals at the movement.

There are big questions I want to ask like:
Do women's rights include individuals who are MTF?
What about FTM?
What about individuals identifying as Gender Queer?
Is it feminist for a woman to actively seek to be submissve to a male a-la "Secretary"?

As a woman with multiple health problems I would also like to look at the way women's health is handled including the way treatment of PCOS is handled in relation to gender and feminism, the way mental health issues are handled, Doctor/Patient relationship dynamics, and other aspects of healthcare in relation to gender and feminism.

I also desperately want to look at women in politics (or lack thereof) and how some of them, like Senator Claire McCaskill of Missourri are using technology to reach their constituencies more readily.

Fun fact: Out of the 99 people serving in the US Senate (Minnesota is still being indecisive) only 17 are women. Think about that for a second 17 of 99 and the 100th will be male.

Fun fact part II: In the more than 200 years The United States of America, and subsequently the Senate has existed we have had a total of 38 women serve as Senators. One of them served for only 24hours.

Those two facts are stunning in the jaw-dropping-WTF?! sense.

Anything you think I might want to consider adding?
I *heart* feedback. (If I try to use the less-than-three version of "heart" the XML/HTML get's really wonky.)