Anonymous Bosch: blogging, gender, and my mom.

*a side note: my post on the readings won't be up until at least mid-morning due to my life exploding like a marshmallow in a microwave*

It was an ordinary weekend until I found this video on feministing. It's a documentary about three biological females who identify as genderqueer and their struggles in life. It may seem like no big deal but I remembered seeing part of this documentary with my mom when it first came on LOGO a few years ago.

My mom is great. She's loving and supportive and loves the gay community. When we were watching this documentary together she kept asking me if I was going to end up getting a sex change and that she didn't know if she could handle that. I said I wasn't and I wouldn't. Then I left the room and didn't finish watching the documentary.

This weekend I finished it and now I'm freaking out.

My mom said she read my blog post about my hair and was worried I was going to get a sex change. I told her not to read my blog because it's very personal. If I talk about something personal on my blog chances are I don't want to talk about it in person. Example: my gender identity. Because this is so personal if she's reading it and asking me about it in person I feel angry and betrayed. This is like my journal.

Odds are you haven't met me. You don't have any established ideas about who I am and what I should be. You have no real choice but to accept me as I am or move on. If you make me uncomfortable I can delete your comment or go to a different page or turn off my computer. You aren't going to grill me during a family dinner about the odds of me having male chest reconstruction surgery.


I'm not ready to say anything verbally. I'm just not. It's a coping mechanism: if I don't say it out loud it isn't real. I'm not ready for it to be real. I want to be left alone to sort this one out. This is personal. This is not a family matter.

Seeing that documentary just reminded me about all the stuff with my gender and my mom and the ideas of privacy in a world as public as the internet.

One of the biggest reasons the internet is great for spreading ideas and activism is that it's safe. There is no risk of someone throwing rocks at you or recognizing you from work and threatening to tell someone that you have beliefs others may not agree with. The anonymity of the net allows people to safely be who they really want to be.

Right now I need that.

So Mom, if you're reading this, please stop. Everything I write here is mine. My life, not yours. If it's important enough I will tell you when I'm ready. Right now I'm not ready.




Why is my gender suddenly an epic issue?
I'm gearing up for a major project in my Contemporary Sexualities class. I'm spending a day dressed as a guy.

Holy.Frak.

I'm both psyched and utterly terrified mostly because tomorrow I will not only be observing how the world treats me I will also be observing how I feel about myself presenting a masculine gender. The scary part? I might like it. I might hate it and never want to do it again but I don't know yet. The whole ordeal makes me feel as though I don't know myself. My little box I've lived in for my whole life could potentially be blown to bits. In the words of Stewie Griffin of Family Guy, "I don't like change!!" (I know Family Guy is horrible on a million levels but it makes me laugh and I don't feel like analyzing it right now.)






I'll let you know how it goes.

Wish me luck. I could use some moral support right about now.

Frak YOU Amazon.com!!

So apparently Amazon.com managed to drop it's LGBT books from the ranked lists as they are now classified as "Adult Material". WTF!?

This post from the blog Jezebel possibly sums up the outrage of the community the best. It includes a list of the books stripped of rankings and those allowed to keep them. It's slightly mind blowing.

All Things Digital is suggesting that what Amazon did was an accident but the #Amazonfail hashtag on twitter would indicate that it's a little late. Over the course of a weekend an entire movement has started and spread to thousands of people on the internet. Where does Amazon base its entire business? Online. Not only does Amazon now have a problem with people mobilizing on the net pushing for boycotts and demanding an apology, Amazon itself is remaining very quiet about the whole ordeal. Bad Move.

The new consumer has every peice of information at their fingertips. Our main source of information is not a library; it's an opensource encylopedia that is both free and constantly updated and sourced. We are able to track packages from the minute we place the order to the minute they arrive at our door. We want to know what's going on and if we don't then we want a reason. Keeping quiet about something this big could potentially cost Amazon a noticeable amount of business.


This whole thing pisses me off supremely because I just ordered three books from them: My Gender Workbook, GenderQueer, and Nobody Passes. I have a huge project for my Contemporary Sexualities class due on Thursday so I'm scrambling to get the last few pieces lined up. My ducks are rarely in a row; I'm lucky if my ducks stay in the same vicinity. So I ordered these books for my project and now I find out that in doing so I'm supporting a company that is undermining the validity of the LGBT community.

What does it say about our society that a story concerning corporate discrimination against an entire community gets broken on twitter?



Side Note: I discovered that it is possible to set bread on fire using only a toaster oven and a lack of understanding of said toaster oven. On the plus side I know that my smoke alarms work. Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow I am not.



(In case your wondering this is what "frak" means.)